Love Hard Kicked my toosh.
This film uncovered for me some important beliefs I still hold about how we present ourselves in situations and how acceptable I perceive the wearing of masks to meet certain ends.
Our heroine falls for someone she meets on an online dating app, flies to the other side of America just before Christmas to surprise him, only to find she had been catfished.
What this film uncovered for me was a deep seated belief that as long as our physical appearance was consistent, it was ok for a woman to hide or change her values, interests or clothing to better suit (or manipulate) those around her.
Yeh. this realization hurt. Even though I have been conscious of this typical Hollywood trope for a long time, I had not realised how ingrained it still was in my belief system.
I found myself incredibly disappointed on behalf of our heroine, Natalie, for being deceived on the physical appearance of Josh, her love interest in this film.
Yet, when he offered her help to mould herself based on the interests of the person who’s photo he had used on his profile, I was less challenged by this plan.
I didn’t have the same level of repulsion.
Even though, this would require our heroine to change herself so much. It felt less unacceptable.
But it wasn’t. it isn’t.
There is clearly a part of me that still believes that we are justified in changing and morphing ourselves to reach a goal or as a means to an end. That it is sometimes necessary to do this (even if this is ‘end’ is to meet the expectations of individuals and society).
But when has this actually worked out well for me?
Postnal Depression and Anxiety from the expectations of the perfect mother myth?
Generalised Anxiety Disorder trying to meet the expectations and requirements of a workplace that wasn’t aligning with my capacity, goals and values?
Depression from not being able to reconcile or express what was going on for me?
Stress and anxiety driven Infertility due to managing a toxic situation, not removing myself from it?
And the rest.
This has NEVER worked out well for me. Taking who I am, and squishing it into a box, telling myself I was not worthy to be the expression of who I innately am, has never been for my benefit. The outcomes have never served me.
They didn’t serve Natalie, Josh or Tag either.
So. I will keep looking at the collection of beliefs I have around this. Look at them lovingly in the face and say no thank you.
Are these beliefs still showing up for you as well?