My thing has always been to get lost in regrets of the past and stress about what is about to happen in the future. I would regularly find myself cringing about something or catastrophizing.
Over the last couple of years I have started to be much more aware of this and tried to find tools that helped me stay in or regain a feeling of presence or being grounded in my body.
But that didn’t mean I could always use these tools to the best of their ability.
I have officially been a Mum of two for TWO WHOLE MONTHS and interestingly, I have found that I have been able to remain more present in my body than I ever have in my life.
It’s probably a combination of mastering some of the tools I have been practicing over the last few years, or perhaps its in the intentional actions I took to have a thriving postpartum?
The reasons will undoubtedly show themselves more clearly in time, but right now, I’m just loving the result and savouring this special time.
Yes there are still ups and downs, especially because I am refusing to spiritually bypass (or practice toxic positivity), but ultimately I am feeling grounded. But being so damn effing kind to myself when I can’t stay present (we aren’t rocks, it’s going to happen 😂😂).
Today I am taking a moment to enjoy the taste of my coffee whilst Miss E sleeps and Mr F has screen time. I am becoming aware of my breath as it expands and contracts my stomach. I am listening to the click click of the keys as I write.
It’s all glorious, and needed after a couple of days living in the anxiety of the future.
This image was taken when Miss E was one month old and for me represents having the choice to remain present in the moment, or in the past or future. The several versions of Jess that could appear in any moment, depending on a choice I make 🤍.
Image: I am standing in front of a large tree holding Miss E. I am wearing an orange dress with my hair up in a bun and a yellow headscarf. Miss E is wearing a light blue singlet and light pink pants. The part with Miss E and me, has been made into 3.