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Day 46 - Feeling myself. Like literally

I guess you could say it is complicated?

My relationship with my boobs.

I am currently really exploring the way I feel about my them. It feels like they have nearly always served an external purpose; and breastfeeding is no exception (albeit an incredibly magnificent and natural one).

When I got my breast augmentation surgery in 2016, I told myself that this was for me. And whilst I still to this day do not regret it (currently), ultimately it was to give me more confidence in my appearance as I had felt shame about the size of them previously.

This shame was instilled in me from seeing a certain type of shape and size celebrated in our culture.

This desire to have them look a certain way came from witnessing breasts be sexualised for most of my life, and therefore feeling like in order to be wanted I must fit into the tiny box of what is acceptable.

But being wanted is a process external to me. It has nothing to do with unconditionally self-reverence or self love.

My birth with Miss E over six weeks ago, has invited me into some incredibly deep healing in terms of how I view and celebrate my body; and it feels necessary in this unpacking, unlearning and rebuilding that I look incredibly deeply at my relationship with my breasts. Interesting, even saying the word ‘breasts’ feels uncomfortable (something to absolutely reflect on here). As part of this process I have now officially started an incredible breast massage course by @michellelynnembodiment .

I got up early this morning, and completed the practice in the dark stillness of before sunrise (when no one needed me, everyone was still fast asleep – a time I like to get up often), for the first time. I am excited and curious to see where this takes me!

What is your relationship to your breasts/boobs?


Image: Background is yellow. There is an outline of breasts in the centre that takes up the majority of the image. The outline is made up of blue, red and yellow butterflies. The nipples are blue and orange butterflies. Pink milk drops are falling from the left breast. Text appears below and on top of the nipples.

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