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Day 45 - Coffee, friend and fo. Damn it!

Lucky I love coffee hey!

Ok so I HAVE to talk this through! Thanks for coming on this ride with me!

This Reel was filmed yesterday afternoon as the kettle was boiling for me to have my third caffeinated drink for the day.

I know this isn’t sustainable for a lot of reasons. When I drink a lot of coffee my anxiety gets worse, but at this point I am trying to balance which need is my biggest issue when it comes to the day to day.

Is it that my mind races into what could happen in the future or agonises over what | have done in the past?

Or is it having the ability to parent two beautiful humans? One a very busy toddler and the other a newborn.

So currently the requirement for energy is winning unfortunately, Sorry anxious brain!

In saying that, I am noticing that my anxiety isn't as bad as it was when I was drinking coffee during pregnancy and for a while before that.

There are a lot of practices I have integrated into my life post Miss E's birth that are helping me stay grounded.

I journal allll the time (much more than before), I am expressing more emotions intentionally than I have done in the past and I am allowing and prioritising more space for my creative practice.

On top of that we have been accepting/allowing receiving more help than ever before (meals in the first few weeks, continued care for Mr F outside the home, postpartum support services).

l am also being an incredible amount more social than I have been for a long time which is so incredibly nourishing for my soul.

I am starting to understand that for me, coffee only exacerbates what is already present. If I am taking care of myself in other ways, my body doesn’t react to it as greatly (in terms of heightened anxiety).

BUT perhaps my coffee intake (it’s at safe breastfeeding levels don’t worry!) is the reason why my body woke me up wide awake at 1am two nights ago? On the upside, I got to sit on my own, meditate and create for a few hours lol. So actually, I am ok with it.

Feeling fascinated about how differently my body is reacting to things but hopeful that the current coffee intake level will continue to reduce as Miss E gets older.

What is your relationship to coffee? Does it sometimes make you anxious too?


Video Description: I am sitting down holding Miss E on my shoulder. I am wearing a black top, dark green skirt and I have my hair up in a bun. I am wearing an orange headband. At the end of the video, I slide a coffee mug into the shot and smile cheekily smile.

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